Brokenness to freedom.

Today I broke down in tears just listening to a piece of music, have you ever done that?

There was a song I had had in my mind for over two weeks.

I am not sure where it came from or why, but there I was at work, always at work with this tune in my head.

Despite not knowing what it was I was determined to find it and listen to it.

It was almost like I had a date with destiny, and I did not want to miss out on no date.

What was so important about this particular song I had to find out.

So I began my search, and there she was..

Within literally seconds I am in floods of tears. It was like meeting a friend who was waiting for me, who had been waiting for me and here I was a jibbering mess on my knees in a ball in front of them as they put their arms around me, and just held me….

They said nothing, just held me tight, and I sobbed and they held me tighter. They wanted nothing from me.. I had nothing to give, I had nothing to give.

For so so long, years and years I had held on to so much stuff, secrets, abuse. hurts, those things which I had never shared .

I had spent so long surviving it was literally making me weaker and by not dealing with the brokenness, because no one wants to hang out with sad or depressed people, I carried more and more stuff by myself.

Not only did I carry my stuff, I carried years of other peoples brokenness too because they needed someone to be  there for them and I would never take that back, they are the most beautiful souled people ever, and I will cherish them.It has been beautiful to see them grow and know I have been a part of their journey,

I refused to ask nothing from these folks only to believe in themselves and where they wanted to be, and to see them flourish was my goal….And how they soared and me so proud.

I found however, each time as heart warming as this was, I knew at some point they would move on or I would have to move on and this has honestly been a lonely journey. As good as a friend they may have become they could not take away what was at my core, and that was fine, I knew this was my journey.

And now I sit and listen to this song on repeat “as time stands still” and it feels like I have come to a time in my life of battle battle battle and finally scarred, bitten, broken, I lift my head… and say to my myself ..”I survived.…..I survived…. but now it is time to stop just existing but to live.. and this means letting go.. not just a bit,, but all…. ALL OF IT!

In this moment, this paused moment, I do not have to be strong, I do not have to be some one elses light, I do not have to be that father, that son, that husband, that colleague, that guru, that happy go lucky person, that annoying person, the person who fails, the person who does not measure up, that person who is never good enough…

NO MATTER WHAT I DO- NEVER GOOD ENOUGH – SHEESH OUCH THAT HURTS.. THAT SHI*S REAL, RIGHT THERE… THERE IT IS….NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

*****Here I am in my utter rawness******

This person stands and tries to lift me up….instead they kneel beside me

kneeling beside someone
I am with you

I look up and see who it is who is there… and it is me… only a different version, it is hard to explain, but they whisper…. “I have been waiting a long time for you, I do not believe we have met properly but I have been there, you know that right?”

I nod.

“come!” he says… “It is time!”

“Time for what? “ I ask

“you will see, this is your time…………………………………………………………….”

I get up leaving all my baggage. I do not need that for where I am going. I am now free.

I am free!

It has taken a long time to get here!

As I look around behind me, those who I have helped both dead and alive are standing together ushering me on…… and together they say…..

“This is your time… thank you for helping us, but it is now time to help yourself… and guess what, if ever you need us.. we are still here, we got your back..but go now… its time to go now………”

and it reminds me from the last scene of  one of my favorite films “Labyrinth.

“should you need us.”

Thank you everyone, and thank you for reading this!

GOURANGA! (BE HAPPY)

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You are not Insignificant.

many ways to welcome
A good welcome is like the best hug ever!

Hi and welcome to this blog today.

Question: Do you ever have  feelings of insignificance? how does it affect you and how do you combat this?

How do you “add value” to relationships or situations?

Are you searching for happiness?

Today I will be exploring these issues.

I write as often as I can but sometimes life just overwhelms me.

I cannot explain how or why it does, I just know its’ affects, and it can be really disabling. Sometimes the most simple things become really hard, and it is like I get a block and I can’t move on.

if tired stops/rest
time to pull over and rest

Some friends recently suggested I “stop” and “rest” but then I feel like I am doing nothing as it is, when actually if I look back over my day It has probably been far from nothing. Perhaps I should start a diary!

I am suffering a lot with insignificance at the moment, and I wish I could shake it.

I belong to a few groups on line and a video popped up of one it’s members talking about how members can add “value” to the group rather than just “take” from it.

A lot of the business and marketing videos and books  I am watching and reading is also talking about this theme of “adding value.” It is like I cannot escape from it.

A sense of irony.

I have been chatting to some one I know recently who is selling a house… I am in need of buying a house. I make inquiries and express an interest of sorts, as I wonder is this the right house for me as you would do. If you are investing in something you want to know it is something you want or can work with right!

The conversations over the next few days become strange. This person is then telling me in one breath how it would be a great house for me, and then not, as I cannot afford it, I should consider renting, there is a flat available this person knows or when they move out the place they are in. The reality is this person wants to get the highest value for their house, understandably so and knows I will want to offer a lower than market offer as others have done, only i am not it in it to flip or make profit, I just need a “home”

We chat about what I am currently getting for my money (see again value) and how if I want anything decent I have to pay a lot of money for it but I would have to give up things such as “WiFi” in order to afford what I want. As some one who spends a lot of time on line whether its supporting someone or research or earning money or writing, and is indeed a way of life, WiFi is not a luxury item ,I see it as a necessity valuing it more than food and drink itself – I digress.

Just because I am savvy does not mean I cannot afford things, and this person has no idea of my finances but makes presumptions anyway and begins to tell me what I need to do. I then think what value is this conversation bringing to me or is it having the opposite effect?

Just recently this phrase “what you need to do” has become quite the bug bear for me. I am sure it may come from a well meaning place, but does that person really know my needs.. have they asked me? I am more than happy to have a dialogue about this if they care that much about my needs. I am a rational guy, I can listen to wisdom……..

As a reflective person, I think to myself do I say similar things to others without realizing?

Does what I say hurt others and would they tell me if it did? I hope they would and especially with friends as we are all on journeys and we don’t get stuff right. Am I adding value to this friendship?

Often in friendships, friends encourage us to be honest and truthful and be open as good relationships should be, but yet I find even this approach offends, so I learn to back off and distance and then I cannot offend.  Perhaps this is counter productive, I do not know. I then begin to think what kind of friend am I actually and this makes me sad. I had to research what makes a good friend. 

a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face
friends are better than gold

ARE-YOU-A-GOOD-FRIEND?

How to Be a Good Friend
  1. Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
  2. Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
  3. Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
  4. Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
  5. Make them feel wanted. …
  6. Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)

There is much more of course but now I think I fail at being a friend too!

 

If you do not know something.. do not be afraid to ask and research (seek and you will find)

I realise if I feel I can add value to life or to relationships then maybe I will no longer feel inadequate,perhaps if I can think less of what I am going through and think more of them, but then sometimes I am that busy trying to make others happy I never find time for myself.

If you relate to what I am saying then check out this link. how to add value to relationships

That will bring a page of suggestions up, but I look at the how to make yourself better page which suggests 6 things to try.

  1. Better ourselves.
  2. Help our partner (friends) become better.
  3. Do something to build trust.
  4. Do something to build investment.
  5. Do something to make our partner (friends) happy.
  6. Conquer an obstacle

As I looked more on this particular site, I found a page about happiness and seeking happiness.. I wondered if this too had any nugget of wisdom to add to my post of value and inadequacy and of course it did.

If like me you  are on a search of happiness which seems to be my life mission, and I have not found the secret yet… my eyes were drawn to this one sentence.

How-to-be-happy.

“until I can learn to be happy right now…until I can be totally content and pleased with who I am right NOW, what I have NOW, the people I have in my life NOW, and the financial situation I am experiencing NOW, I will NEVER be truly happy.”

Check it out here

There is always something I want but do not have. Sometimes I never truly appreciate what I have.

This week I am having a “gratitude week” being thankful for all of those in my life, who have added value to me and I hope I have added something to theirs.

Thank you for stopping by.

I would also like to thank godly chic diaries who visited one of my pages or two. Visiting your site inspired me to keep going,<><

HAVE A GOOD DAY FOLKS – ABUNDANT BLESSINGS THIS DAY.

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Steven Alexander.

#”More Love, more Power, more of you in my life – call for break throughs”

Welcome

Today I give thanks and honor to my friends, readers followers, of whom without you I truly would not be here and I mean this literally.

This blog is not a side which many will see, will know of me, and I am sure would be shocked, but I share with you in my quest for mental-freedom whatever that looks like, so somehow I can inspire others and hold them up.

There are times when things just overwhelm me, and my mind and spirit just struggle to cope. I can have amazing (well ok days, good days,) but it can take just a word, or a message or just the tiniest thing to flip this emotion.

I wish I had the most amazing breakthrough strategies that I could pass on and share to strengthen others, but the irony is that truthfully the broken have lifted  me this month.

It is as though those broken in spirit who felt they were alone ,are being brought together, connected, to share, to relate, to just be with another…not to say I understand, not to say “what you need to do is” not to add to the burdens of life, but instead to metaphorically stand with.. alongside.

Although I have not been around here much, I have been building some foundations and my journey has taken some twists and turns but by grace I am being refined and shaped and brought back here as my place of retreat rest and sanctuary.

I feel like this blog, where I started my journey as a “Dads Diary” has become so much more. This is my virtual “safe room” that “cell” than rather confines me in a bad way like other cells,  this one I can just be me.. I can cry, I can do business, I can go back, move forward without white noise.

So I am seeking breakthroughs today and putting them on my mental vision board.

I have a house situation… I’m seeking a house.

Still fighting to keep the wolf from the door – finances

Trying to reach my intention point and seeking alignment #law of attraction.

Continue to fight-  depression, oppression, slander, bullying, jealous folk, scoffers.

Jamie Rohrbaugh, has been a huge inspiration to me. She has a wealth of resources and experiences. Coming from a christian perspective she shares how she has battled and now helps others including areas of depression and poverty. Thank you Jamie. 

There are so many of you I could name on here so from the bottom of heart thank you for all you are and what you do. 

If you are in need of break through today whatever it is I am thinking of you.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander

Meet Kintsugi (About me)

 

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Resources

Pushing back the shadows –  Support and awareness for mental health –  Anxiety, mental health depression 

Choose Life.

New life.

Write a dream, live a dream!

BREATHE – YOU GOT THIS! 

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Befaffled

welcome

Today instead of my normal blog I wrote a poem. A poem because to contain what I am feeling, I think I would explode or implode.

Not meant for anyone specifically and ironically this may offend and some may feel disrespected.

This poem is born out of the frustration of the world seeking so much, you lose yourself to a point where you despise yourself and others wonder why!

It is a reflection perhaps on the confusion that people feel about themselves of which, I am just as guilty.

The main diference is, I may not be unique in what I say, in the parts that others say but I will see beyond what you project because I see the hidden.

Perhaps in my own brokeness and confusion I am guilty of the below too and for that I apologise. Perhaps I am still modifying.

Anyway.. My poem. Some may relate to it.

“Which “me” do you want “me” to be!

Today I was asked not to be “me” because you said “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also, do not like other parts of “me” – which I then try to modify so I am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you! “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not likeing a part of “me” for others also do not like other parts of “me” which I then try to modify so i am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you

My personal reflection:

I reflect on this and discover I am guilty of this, perhaps I try and change others to how it suits me. I would like to change this and I am constantly trying to change this.

How do we change without losing ourselves any further than we already have?

The irony is even the “found” (I have found) are not as “found” as they would like to believe or project on to others.

The befafflement of life.

Thanks for reading,

propic (2)

Steve Alexander

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A blip n a wobble

Hi, Thank you for dropping by!

 

Mentally things have been pretty tricky and I have been close to crisis point a few times. I have survived by focusing on work which itself has had its own challenges, but honestly between us, I have had a few blips and wobbles which have caused me anger and frustration.

I think focus has its place and something I am not that great on.

HOW TO FOCUS?

For me, I have to look further than normal… I call it “the end game” or “the bigger picture” or even “the long game”

I have been struggling with some of life’s fundamental questions AGAIN!

Who am I?

what am I about?

What do I want to achieve?

These are important questions to me as for some unknown reason I need purpose, I crave purpose but also valid reasoning behind them.

To brake these down then:

Who am I?

For those of us who have low self esteem, or have had bad experiences or hear those voices on repeat (I am not talking about schizophrenia) but those of WORTHLESSNESS etc etc, I do not need to go into detail… trying to play new voices on repeat that overcome these is hard. It is not as simple as “snap out of it” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” These are genuine, crippling, voiced together of years of those words that stuck. You never intended them too, you wish you could vanquish them, however they are there, and some of us live with them.

#words can hurt, #words can scar.

WHO AM I? is also a search for “SELF IDENTITY” Sometimes we can lose ourselves in life, and lose ourselves in identities that are either fake, or shallow, or roles we have to play, or through survival. I wonder which of the “me’s” I have to play is the real “me?”

I re- learned recently when I “got lost” walking home that sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…but also the question is, were you really lost at all, is a diversion a lost path?

I walked past a reflection the other day – I hate reflections of myself, but I looked, well, glanced. What I saw surprised me. I saw “strong” “proud” “independent” “Fierce” “focused” words I would never associate myself with. That morning was a good productive morning. Ouch I said “productive” another word I never use!

WHAT AM I ABOUT? This question is slightly harder and required some soul searching as again, the temptation is to go into default mode of..”nothing” “I have nothing” “I offer nothing” “I am nothing” and while there are some out there that would love to have me believe this – this is far from the truth and one of those lies of the devil. So I pondered….

I am about helping others, being someone that can be relied on, being a good worker, good friend, good parent. I am a reflector, I am a LIFE CHANGER! I am a being who does not give up in the face of adversity. I am a human being!

What makes us a human being? – what separates us from the animal kingdom? a blog for another time maybe.

I have wanted to walk away from my blog world this last few weeks. I keep asking myself WHAT IS THE POINT of them? of course not said in any positive or productive way.

A friend said recently as I was about to walk away and close up shop, said this..

“what you have to say is important. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t say it. If someone does not comment or whatever, it does not mean that it isn’t read or it hasn’t helped someone. You just do not know!”

My friend asked me what the blog was about…and I told her the content..

At this point my friend went quiet. “Don’t stop writing!” she said.. They are important issues, very important” She turned her head away from me.

At that beautiful moment I realized a deeper side to my friend as though she had confessed something without actually confessing it… I knew as hard as I found it,

I had to keep writing.

WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE? – world fame, recognition, riches? The truth is I really did not know, and perhaps this is why my blogs/life lacked direction, because I lack direction. My life was reflecting my mindset – chaotic. Perhaps it was hard to ask myself what I wanted to achieve. I was used to riding the waves of life, let others direct me, control me as though what I wanted did not matter, perhaps I did not care!

My parents and teachers would say “he can do anything when he puts his mind to it”

and I guess they were right… but truthfully this was too much like hard work. Do not get me wrong I am not lazy, I just have to seek purpose and meaning to what I want to achieve, and who for! I did not want to compete with others. I did not want to set myself up to fail or to maintain an unsustainable level of achievement.

I began to contemplate my memorable achievements. WHAT ARE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS?

I used to play a game called “paperboy” on my computer – I wanted to be a paper boy! – I became a paperboy -loved it.

I wanted to work in a fast food place because I love burgers and fries – I got a job working in a fast food place and got to eat burgers n fries. I also got fired as I ate too many burgers and fries.

I wanted to get paid for drinking and chatting to people in bars – I later did get a job doing that.

I wanted a job where I was paid to sleep – I am currently in a job where I get paid to sleep.

I wanted to WRITE AND EARN MONEY ON LINE – I am a little way there.

so my new mission or part of: is to travel and write and eat cake and write and drink coffee and write..oh and get paid at the same time would be great.

As I do have a charitable side I would have to help others to a capacity of sorts.

While out in the community I went to Mcdonalds… and there I was speaking on the phone when a guy began talking to me.

As I invited him over we chatted through life and issues and more life. The guy left with a smile and hope! saying “I haven’t smiled in ages”

Another friend.. needed spirits lifting.. so we spoke and I encouraged him.

It is as if in my desperation I was calling out about my purpose suddenly it is like God made appointments came my way of opportunities to help people where I could offer value. Helping others helps me.

This theme of lack of FEELING VALUED seems to be popping up a lot in peoples lives and work places- all around!

This blog , I refer to as my “rest room.”

Here is the place where I can be real, be honest, be me, and share. This blog will never be for everyone, it may never be for anyone, but it could be for someone, and that is enough for me.

 My blog adventures.

I write for Fedupofbeingpoor It is an insight of “striving to thrive” rather than survive. If the title grabs you, please do go and visit. Any tips or comments welcome. 

The throne Room  is my RESOURCE site. Feel free to check that and check in from time to time.New free content added regularly. If there are  life resources you think could benefit others and do not mind sharing or directing others towards please let me know.

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If you would  like to comment , can relate, need a chat, direction, or someone to listen, or your spirit lifting. Get in touch I would love to hear from you.

 

thanks for following

God bless you all <><

propic (2)

Steven Alexander

 

Pay for a Friend?

Hi All, Welcome!

waving dog

Welcome to today’s juicy and controversial post…

One of ethics, morals,.. would you? Could you? Have you ever? would you share if you had? whether it is for an hour or day, maybe night? I am not one to judge nor pass comment… I have even considered it myself…..

Still reading on? do you dare?

I cannot contain myself for much longer, so I am going to just come out with it, because friends, this is certainly messing with my head this concept.

Let me ease you in gently……..

would you “rent a friend?” “or “rent yourself out?”

A while ago on a money making site I stumbled upon while being poor – which I still am, anyway… I read an article about people who would pay another person to hug them.

I am not really a hugging kind of guy, so it did not appeal to me, but maybe I could reconsider my phobia… but I just shrugged this off as one of those funny to read articles…..UNTIL…..

PING PING PING

An email pops up in my mail box asking if I would consider (not me personally, just a generic email ) being paid to be someones friend – “purely platonic” simply sometimes someone may need a friend to go to the movies or out to dinner or to a party… it sounds like being an escort to me… but the site goes on….

I make a coffee, because this could get interesting… I am actually thinking, I could be someones friend, I could be a good friend.. I think…and begin to imagine what my profile would read as I begin to drift through these profiles….It still screams escorting to me (not that I am against that) but… I remain intrigued… I take a few more sips, and then …

spit out coffee coffee everywhere, all over my keyboard doh…

“There are … reasons why you may want to rent a mom or a dad.  Perhaps you have parents who are not very understanding of your relationships, yet your significant other wants to meet them?  Rather than upset your real mom or dad with your new “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, hire a stand-in mom and dad to take the place and pretend they are thrilled with your new partner! Your significant other will be happy, and your parents will have no clue!”

yes this is for real!

So now I am thinking, perhaps I could rent a mom, or better still when i next play my dad is harder than your dad.. I can just rent one…..

The possibilities are beginning to be endless… I am just waiting for….

grandma2  “Rent a grandma” I do not know who this fine good looker is, but I reckon she would love a good roller coaster or bake the meanest cake this side of the world, or ride the coolest motorbike….with just her gums….

and yes it is true, not on the same site but here…..

rent gran one  free advertising of me….

So then lovely folks…. I can be found on “Facebook”, here on my blog, on “Linkd In”…

I am available as a paid friend should you require one….

Live the other side of the world……No problem –  I like to write.. I could be your international pen pal, I like to travel…I am kinda funny….

On a serious note though…. I am a missionary on a mission, of sorts, a good Samaritan, a good luck hobo, a fallen angel…more poor philanthropist on trying to make his way in the world, help others who need help,  and maybe one day earn some money from all my free advertising of great sites such as the above.

Be a pal for life – Support a pal

Perhaps you may just want to…….rent a friend, mom, dad or grandma

I did not sign up:) but I am available for hire!

Have a great day….

Please do follow me – FREE FREE for more comedy or thoughtful posts, check out my other blogs or leave me a comment,  or email me I love to hear from people.

propic (2)  Steven Alexander

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“know your worth – you have value”

Welcome friends, and friends who I have not yet met.

Good to have you here.

This is a place to chill, grab a drink, maybe put some music on, and enjoy……..

I really want to start off this blog with a huge “thank you” to all who view, follow, and support this journey.

From the bottom of my heart:

thank you

 

This is merely just the start and much more to come, so buckle up folks!

There will be laughter, tears, openness, confessions, real life struggles, you name it..it is real, it is life, and what is more YOU ARE INVITED to be a part of not only my story, my journey, but also to help others.

We live in such a broken world with so many broken people, wounded, yet beautiful without being told it or know. Some people have given up thinking that there are good folks still out there, I know there are…YOU!

Many of these folk feel they have no value, nothing to offer – but I want to prove them wrong.

Many of us do not value or even know what we have to offer.

Do you ever ask yourself that – “what do I have to offer?” I know I do.

Sometimes even the offering we have does not seem to make us feel valued – can anyone relate?

So many people I know are people pleaser’s, and this is so humbling if you are one of these or who know people like these, but often deep down these are often the saddest and loneliest people I know, hiding their insecurities behind looking after others. A lot of my friends are certainly these type.

I think what is worse to hear sometimes and even sadder is when they tell me that they do not feel listened to. I always feel convicted when I hear this, because as good as I think I am at listening, I have to question, AM I a good listener?

There is a beautiful word that I like to use (and which I am working on) which is “honor” – How can I show that I honor someone, value them, show them that I am listening? If their experience is that they are not used to those things, how can I be different.

I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT! counter cultural even that.

>>>>>DARE TO BE DIFFERENT.<<<<<

I would like to leave with a beautiful quote from a blog I saw when I was thinking about this topic. It certainly gave me soul food for thought. I hope you like it.

know your worth

It’s also incredibly important to know your own value as a person. We’re all amazing, unique, gifted individuals, and yet we don’t inherently know that. We tend to place our worth in the hands of others, and usually people who don’t deserve any say in how worthy we truly are. Your worth isn’t defined by whether or not someone else loves, sees, values, appreciates, or adores you, it’s inherent. You are worthy because you’re alive. Regardless of your mistakes and failures, you’re worthy of an amazing life and complete happiness. If you want others to see and appreciate you for who you truly are, know and honor that worth. Never settle for less than you deserve, don’t tolerate being treated like garbage, and always demand the absolute best for yourself in every situation.

Please do check out the link for other ways to be seen, be loved and valued for who you really are – Perhaps one day I  could write a whole book on this.

Have a kind day:)

Please do  follow me, comment  or drop me a line in confidence  if you need to chat, I do not charge, I do not pass on information.

God bless you and do say hello:) 

propic (2) Steven Alexander

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Evolve -Trying New Things

Welcome, welcome,

As I develop the site and myself, you may see some odd things appear. This is part of my journey in trying new things, so it may be videos, or links.. I am still new to blogging.

Some may not work, but at least I had a go:)

Please bare with me “a B.I.T ” (Blogger In Training)

I would like to give a quick mention to the awesome author of freshfolium.wordpress.com who sent me a lovely email.

Please do send me emails, comments, tips, keep in touch, I love hearing from you all.

Some of my friends have asked how they can help or support me. Just by being my friend is more than enough as I have lots of Debbie Downer days, (bad down days) so emails, messages, are all good. (Sms – save my soul)

I have set up a pay pal account  to begin to support my writing and life coaching  “career”which I use to do the occasional survey. The money from this *which is pennies* then goes to help fund and  support others physically or emotionally or myself in times of desperate need.

Eventually if I ever get anyone interested in, or need of my services, I can still use paypal as a form of easy payment or send me a “BITCOIN” (I banter)

If any of my blogs touch you, help you or make any difference to you, that is awesome, please do share the love

 

I do not have any fancy sponsor buttons – just a link.

 

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Peace and love

“See I am doing a new thing, now it springs up, do you not perceive it,

I am making a way in the wilderness,

and streams in the wasteland” Isaiah 43:9

Please do check out my other posts,

Thanks for viewing,

propic (2) Steven Alexander,

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“Jump on in”

Welcome,

Thank you for visiting,

Many years ago I stood on the roof top of a very large apartment block. I was with a friend.

It was partly to be rebellious, as for safety reasons it was not safe to be there. It was risky, dangerous.

We walked around the ledge 14 storeys high looking down, sheesh was high.

It was wild, free, we laughed.

But later we chatted through our lives as we sat on the edge. My friends dad would beat him regularly, my life was going down the pan. We were both spiraling, having given up on life and not caring about consequences.

I stood up on the ledge and looked down, my friend further away did the same. The same thought came to our minds……..to jump!

As I was about to a voice appeared to whisper to me.. “do not jump I love you”

The word “love” was a dirty word to me so not one I used. The voice whispered again… “I love you”

Tears fell from my face uncontrollably. I had not heard those words said meaningfully in many many years. I Cried.

I stepped back and pulled my friend away, and said.. “don’t jump, I love you mate…”

As crowds had gathered and sirens were roaring… We left the roof and never spoke of it again or shared it..

A Different Perspective

SO what do you think of when you hear the word “Jump?” What thoughts or emotions go through your head?

“Jump just jump”

– Imagine the scene! (or perhaps read the one below instead)

Emergency, Exit, Green, White, Direction

A parent is encouraging their child to jump into the water at the local swimming pool. The parent is there, arms open wide, their child inches away, but for some reason the child will not jump.

“I got you, I got you, you will be fine.” the parent soothes expectantly, and hopeful..

I will catch you! you will be safe!

The parent just wonders why their child does not trust them or what is stopping them.

The child looks first at the water, then to the parent, then back at the water. It sees the deep deep water, “what if I sink? what if my parent does not catch me, what if I fall?…….”

Then.. at that moment (or an eternity for the parent) the child makes the decision.. jump and face the consequences (which they know) of not jumping or jump and not know.. can they.. will they trust …is this faith to jump?

Have you ever been afraid of something, and you just do not know why? It is crazy right?

Sometimes there can be no rhyme or reason , or something you can put your finger on yet – yet there it is that “THING” again that just stops you!

Perhaps this blog is not you, and you can breathe because you can relax! You took that jump or several.. you have no issues with trust!

“Wow” – I so want to be that person, I want to be you! FEARLESS.

I did not want to write this blog today because it meant owning up to the fact that:

I have fears and insecurities – I have doubts and trust issues.

I do not want to admit that or share that with the world!

I am a man, an adult, what is that about?

I do not know how to deal with the above emotions it is hard, so hard..so when people share these things with me, I can relate, I can so relate, but I think it is ok to be scared!

I will say that again, It is ok to be scared!

Fear although can stop us, and be a self-defense mechanism to keep us safe, but being sacred is also about saying – “do you know what.. I am worried..”

And now…… we can “dialogue” – I love that word. I had to actually look up that word then, but this is what the first site said:

“To take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem”

Origin Middle English: from Old French dialoge, via Latin from Greek dialogos, from dialegesthai ‘converse with’, from dia ‘through’ + legein ‘speak’.

So now we are speaking or voicing our worries…and maybe we can get answers to these problems, by talking them through, or finding out.

I was scared about two things tonight

Firstly:

Writing this blog today because I know there are things in my life which I need to “jump” into which are huge pools for me and unknown…

The second thing was using the phone and chatting to a friend who I have known for years.

But.…what harm could come to me writing a simple blog or speaking to a friend.

It is fair to add that it also “ok” not to “jump” sometimes the pressures to jump can have the opposite effect, in my first story, life was so bad I thought about it. If yours is… If you need to vent or dialogue, get in touch or chat to someone.

If we are asked to jump, and we are not ready, this may not end well, but other times we jump with hope and, faith, or fingers crossed in some circumstances.

Some of us may even do a risk assessment before we do anything and weigh up the risks. – welcome to risk management.

Jump or not jump?

“ToDay I JumPed.”

Image result for scared to jump in pool

If you need to dialogue with somebody, or have no where to go or no one to go to, but you want help getting over your fears.

Contact me anytime:My door is always open

Image result for scared to jump in deep water

Thanks for Reading, please visit soon, or feel free to comment.

Steven Alexander,

propic (2)

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Going Nowhere.

Welcome.
A few people have been talking to me about this feeling of life not going anywhere, they feel like they are drifting, have nothing to offer, or no value, they want more but…….
I feel like this sometimes, so if this is you or some one you know, this blog is just for you.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting thought the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing?”

I was in a place of questioning life, everything, doubts, self issues, you name it, and as depressed as I became I began to grapple the above questions, even more so when this song came on. In the end I had to search for it, but in a way it was like the “Alpha and Omega” beginning and end for me.

I am not a fan of being called “baby” as a term of affection, but as I write this blog right now, I am actually re thinking that word “baby” as a way of describing .. an actual “baby” like someone is singing to a baby inspiring it, encouraging it to be great. As mature as we may be, I think there will always be that inner child in us, and to our parents, we will always be their child.

For those this blog is for, you will get what I am talking about and relate to a level. For others of you, who are are not in this place yourself – awesome, but you may come across others who are – YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE and not – GIVE LIFE!

This song is not everyone’s flavor, but look beyond personal preferences, if only for those folks that need you. “You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine.”

 

 

 

 

 

“You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow”

 

If you want to talk, share, or need someone to chat through stuff

Go for it………………………………..IGNITE THE LIGHT

Thanks for visiting.

Steven Alexander

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

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